Dad is Recovering...

This was Dad after surgery this week. I took it while he was asleep.

He has been in so much pain. I have not cried in front of him because if you do, he cries and then he chokes. . But I seem to fall apart at home. Mom said when she visited him today he cried when he turned his head too far. That made me cry... I wonder if the sadness will ever be over?

I am so very down right now. I have not wrote this week because it has been so hard to deal with all of this.

Dad will be coming home tomorrow. He will be bed ridden for 6 weeks. He will also have to be feed through a feeding tube in his stomach.

I wish John was here...

I wish above all things that he was here to talk to Dad.

To encourage him. Dad has cried so much because he misses John.

Many days it feels like my heart is going to break because I miss John so much too.

I was thinking today of all the times that I have heard Dad and John laughing together over some joke that John told..

Discussing gardening, tools and lawn mowers....

Dad bringing John something over he had picked up at a rummage sale he thought John might like.

John doing the same for him.

Them going out every single Thanksgiving and Christmas to the store to pick up things that me and Mom had forgot.

It was a tradition. And, while they were there talking to all the other men who had been sent out to pick up forgotten things.

I wish life did not have to be so painful.

All of those who have responded to sending Dad a card I will get an e-mail to you tomorrow. And thank you very much. He needs encouragement right now. If there is anyone else who wants to send cards please e-mail me . My e-mail is on my site on profile.

~Nita~

Tonight's song, Best I Ever Had, by Gary Allan

To John...

Please Pray...

I took this picture of Dad last Summer while John and I were walking the little dogs. Dad had planted 50 tomato plants and they were just about to do him in. He gave tomatoes to the mailman, neighbors, people at church, strangers....
John laughed every time he saw Dad in the garden picking tomatoes.

John loved my Dad. He was like a Dad to John because his Dad passed away when John was 18. He knew of my resentment of Dad because of the abusive things he had done. But, John always tried to mend the fences with me and Dad. He tried to help me understand how Dad had suffered as a child too.
John helped me more than anyone to see things in a better light. He helped me see that it is better to forgive than to carry the resentment. That the resentment just hurt me..

No matter what has happened in the past.. I forgive Dad.

And I am asking for prayer for him for tomorrow. He is having surgery tomorrow morning to remove the tumor, it is huge and growing fast.

If anyone who reads my blog would put him on their church prayer tree I would be very grateful. His name is Alley.

I have prayed about my heart all week. I don't want to carry the burden of my unforgiveness anymore. I want free from it.
That doesn't mean that when we forgive that we have to be someones door mat. It just breaks the power that they held over us. And Dad has truly tried to change over the years. So, please pray for him.

~Nita~

And if anyone would be interested in sending Dad cards please e-mail me. Dad loved it that everyone mailed John cards. He saw the excitement John had every time he got a new card. And he thought it was so neat that people who didn't even know John would care enough to send him cards.

He asked me today if I thought my friends off my blog would send him cards. I told him that you guys probably would because you have beautiful hearts.
He just smiled real big..

Blessings...

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many.
~Charles Dickens~


These are photos I took this weekend. Some are of treasures in my home.

They are not expensive things. What I treasure isn't really expensive . But, the possessions I have are priceless to me because of the memories attached to them. I guess you could say I hold the world in a paper cup.
Some are photos of nature that I took this weekend. I hope you enjoy them..


I have been thinking of my blessings all weekend.... It is hard sometimes to see them because of my sorrow, but I am trying to see... The first photo is of my tea cabinet. I love tea and drink it throughout the day. My Mom usually comes over for a cup every morning

The little wooden shoes John purchased for me last Summer before his accident. I think of him every time I look at them. We had such a good time that day. He asked me, "How many men go with their wives to antique shops?" I told him he was right. Most men like doing their own thing. But we always liked to spend time together. Some people don't understand that. They think it is weird to want to spend that much time with their spouse. But we loved it. We enjoyed each others company and liked to do a lot of the same things. He would go antiquing with me and I would go fishing with him.




I took this photo of a fairy I have taped to my red spice cabinet. I enlarged it because it is only about 2 inches tall.
The cabinet belonged to my Grandma for most of her life. It is comforting to use her cabinet. She has been gone for 7 years. I still miss her.



This is a nest John found for me at work. It was abandoned so he brought it home for me. It is a marvel. The bird used cigarette down to help line the inside of her nest.

The nest in the tree is a Robin's nest. I happened to look up and see the Robin go into her nest. I tried to capture her in the nest but she flew off.

The Alice in Wonderland piece came from Mom and is close to my heart..

This is the inside of the nest from John.

This picture of the tree leafing out was taken this week. I went out to lunch with my friend Anne and took this from her sunroof.

The Robin in the green grass I took while at the park with Elizabeth.

The sunflowers I picked two Summers ago. I love the look of dried flowers. The carnations are from John's funeral. I plan on putting them in a shadow box.

The sandcastle came from a sale I went to with my sister. I bought it for ten cents.













This Robin was in my driveway and let me get a few feet away from her. She kept peeking at me. I thought she was so pretty. Her coloring was just gorgeous.

This is the same Robin. I saw her pick downy from a plant, that is what is in her mouth. Her nesting materials...

I saw these beautiful yellow tulips while out doing errands and had to stop and take a photo of them. I love yellow..

I was so bummed out over all the rain this week. But I was trying to find something positive . The reflection of the trees in the water in my driveway greeted me one morning when I came out. I found my positive thing. It reminds me of an upside down faerie world...

~Nita~

Tonight's song, I Still Miss You by Keith Anderson

1st clip

2nd video

There is a line that says, you are so deep down in my soul I don't know how to let you go.

That is how I feel about John. I don't know how to let him go....