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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I saw a sunset the other day. It reminded of being in love with someone . How it is a muddled pool of beauty..Mixed with pain.

We are never sure of ourselves...The women I am in therapy with.. A friend was admitted yesterday...I can't and won't say her name.

Mom said, "That isn't gonna be you is it ? You don't feel that way do you?" And it hurt so much.

I don't have a plan. I don't want to kill myself..Anymore.

I just want to learn how to handle my triggers and how to have a real relationship with people.

Being a hermit so long has not been easy. Social Anxiety is awful..I do better than most people who have this, I have been told.
I will go places..The store..A friend's house..church..I am building my way up. It is the most I can do for now.

But so many days I feel my best is never enough..It is a learned response.

I will kill that damn feeling. I will.

My song for the day is :Wichita by Gary Jules

And I hope my honesty will help someone who might be going through what I am going through.

love nita

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I love beauty, whether it is in nature, literature or art. And I love music... My day feels incomplete if I haven't had a chance to listen to some good music.. I also love beautiful souls, and kind hearts.

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“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
—G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936); writer, critic
"There will come
a time
when you believe
everything is finished.
That will be the beginning."
Louis L'Amour
(1908-1988)

"Wisdom is knowing what to do next;
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David Star
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exert from
The Philosophy of Despair
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George Eliot
Friendship is a sheltering tree.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
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So why not make one?
Psalm 138:7

Though I am surrounded by troubles, my God will preserve me against the anger of my enemies. He will clench His fist against my angry enemies! His Power will save me. The Lord will work out His plans for my life- for His faithful love endures forever.

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